How to Make Friends in College

I remember how much I worried before my freshman year at a new school where I didn’t really know anyone. Who was going to be my roommate? Who would I study with? Who would I spend weekends with? Everything felt like a mystery, and I was about to embark on what I thought would be a very independent journey.

What I quickly realized, though, is that everyone is in the same boat. Freshman and sophomore year are times when people are especially open to making friends because they’re all trying to find their place on campus. I heard it all the time: making friends is easy, you’ll find your people, just keep your dorm door open and boom friends. And while there’s some truth to that, the reality is more nuanced. It can feel simple at first, but building genuine, lasting friendships often becomes more complicated over time.

Looking back, I’ve found my core friends for life in ways that weren’t always planned—through on-campus jobs, living on campus, classmates, friends of classmates, and even random encounters around campus. Being involved on campus was key to fostering these relationships with people who were similar to me. We could relate to the same classes, the same work stress, and the same phase of life. My undergrad friend group started with a random roommate (who I then lived with for three years) and grew to include classmates who became family. They will be my future bridesmaids because of how deeply we loved and supported each other through the chaos of college and into adulthood.

Grad school has felt different. There are fewer people, fewer organic chances to see each other outside of class, and a wider range of life experiences. Most of us are in the same classes and mainly see each other during night lectures. At first, our class was pretty quiet, but over time people began opening up, talking more, and learning about each other’s interests. The 4 Grad Girls, for example, became friends simply by sitting next to each other and working together on group projects, proof that sometimes the strongest friendships form in the most ordinary ways.

At the root of so many of my college friendships are support, trust, vulnerability, relatability, flexibility, and understanding. Both undergrad and grad school are intense seasons full of growth, uncertainty, and change—but I couldn’t have done it without my roommate, my coworkers, In It Together, and the 4 Grad Girls.

So if you’re feeling nervous about putting yourself out there, start small. Be the first person to say hi. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but I promise it’s worth it.